


lust: ii

by imissmaeberry



Series: Forgive Me Father [7]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Catholic Character, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Sexual Content, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mind Manipulation, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, Religious Content, Religious Guilt, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Seven Deadly Sins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imissmaeberry/pseuds/imissmaeberry
Summary: you have always found strength in your relationship with god.up until joshua came into your life.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Reader
Series: Forgive Me Father [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1201756
Kudos: 9





	lust: ii

**Author's Note:**

> okay this one comes with a minor trigger warning so people know off the bat: joshua manipulates the reader's/mc's memory but does _not_ at any point manipulate the reader's will or force her into any choices. all choices made are reader's/mc's and hers alone.

as you walk out of the church doors, you take the priest’s hand and wish him good day before attempting to move on to get to your car, but the priest grips your hand tightly and looks at you, face twisted in concern. 

“be careful, my child.” he says, “there is darkness and temptation waiting in the shadows for the pure and pious of heart. remember your prayers and your rosary, will you? and keep your bible close at hand.”

you raise your eyebrows and nod slowly. in all your years of attending services here in this church, multiple times a week since you were small, you’ve never seen the priest this concerned. “yes, father. I’ll be sure to do so. I’ll see you wednesday for the service, alright?” 

the old man squeezes your hand tightly and nods grimly before releasing it. “yes, my dear. i’ll see you then.”

you smile at him warmly, hoping to dissuade his fears, but you have some of your own tucked away in the pits of your stomach. 

it’s a fear that clouds your mind as you move through the church parking lot, unaware of the eyes watching you from across the street, where there was no hallowed ground. 

across the street, a man smirks before turning and disappearing into the shadows. 

* * *

you have always considered your most important relationship to be the one you have with God. you see him as your protector and guide through your life, your faith in his strength was what gave you the faith you have in yourself. you’ve had your moments of doubt, sure, but it was never anything a quick talk with the priest couldn’t soothe.

you’ve never minded the jeering questions from your less-than-faithful friends, because in the end, you were infinitely aware that no one knew what would happen after death. it was this awareness that made you hold your faith close. 

dating, however, was always tricky. there were only so many guys from the parish, and now that you’ve reached adulthood there were even less who were single. 

so when you meet joshua on your way home from a dinner with friends, you’re thrilled. 

you’re trying to flag down a taxi, your friends too drunk to drive you home, but every car drives by you and you’re growing frustrated. even more so when a man steps out on the sidewalk next to you and a car pulls up within seconds. you’re tempted to swear, something you never do, but then the man turns to you with a sweet smile on his face and says, “you look like you’re really desperate to get home. why don’t you take this cab?”

you feel your anger dissipate as you look at him, and even though you are desperate to get home, you still ask if he’s sure. he nods and smiles at you in a way that makes your stomach flip.

“please, it’ll make me feel better knowing you got home safe.” 

you nod and thank him, sliding into the car’s backseat and giving the driver your address, mind going over and over the scene that just played out, blush rising on your cheeks.

you can’t help that you’ve always been a romantic. 

you’re surprised, and delighted, when you run into him again. you secretly wish you’d dressed better, but it’s not like you expected to run into the handsome stranger in the dairy aisle when you’d put on sweatpants and an old ratty tshirt before leaving your home. 

he recognizes you and comes over to say hello, greeting you with, “so i guess you managed to make it home alright, huh?” 

you giggle and nod, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. “thank you again, for the cab and everything.”

he smiles at you and your heart jumps, heat rising onto your cheeks. “of course!” he puts his hand out for you to shake and introduces himself. “my name is joshua.”

you shake his hand and give him your own name, a little proud when you manage to not stumble over your words. you see him staring at the cross hanging around your neck and raise your eyebrows, almost daring him to say something. 

“oh - oh i don’t mean to stare. it’s a beautiful necklace, really.”

you hum noncommittally. “so, if you don’t mind me asking - joshua. that’s a fairly religious name, isn’t it? biblical, one might say.”

he laughs. “one might say indeed. my father...is a man of God, you might say.”

“oh! is he a priest?” you pick up a carton of eggs and open it to check for cracks, turning your head to see his response.

“no, no, not a priest. we were never...the church types. more spiritual, than religious, you could say.”

you ‘ahh’ in understanding, placing the eggs into your cart and moving down the aisle while he puts frozen vegetables into his own little basket. 

“would - i hope you don’t find me too forward, but would you like to get coffee sometime?” his voice is hopeful and you have to fight to keep the surprise off your face. 

“i - i would love to, joshua.”

* * *

and here you are, nearly half a year later. 

joshua has been nothing but a perfect gentleman, so you fail to see why none of your friends seem to like him. 

the consensus seems to be, “i don’t know what it is, but something about him scares me. i’m worried about you.” whenever you try to press, to see if they’re just saying things to say them, they can’t look you in the eye and they stumble over their words. “something about him is dark.”

ridiculous, really. 

joshua has been nothing but a light presence in your life. he understands and supports your beliefs, even those regarding premarital sex, and you respect his decisions to not join you when you attend mass every sunday and wednesday.

although, within the last few weeks, you’ve missed a service here and there to lay in bed with joshua, letting him pepper your face with kisses and cook you pancakes. 

joshua always assures you that God will understand. that God wants you to take time to take care of yourself. 

you still apologize to Him when you say grace. 

it’s on one of these sundays that you find yourself pressed into joshua’s side on the couch, two glasses of wine already downed for you each, an old sitcom playing quietly on your tv. joshua leans down and presses a kiss to your neck, and you shiver and let him be. as long as he keeps his hands to himself, everything will be fine. nothing wrong with some kisses.

one of his hands cups your chin, turning your face towards him so he can move his lips to yours. his other settles on the outside of your hip, gripping and tugging as if to pull you into his lap. you roll your eyes good-naturedly and appease him, moving from his side and onto his thighs, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

the two of you kiss for a while, joshua’s hands staying settled at the top of your thighs, thumbs rubbing on the soft fabric of your leggings. you try to ignore the way you can feel him getting hard beneath you, try to lift yourself slightly from his lap to avoid giving him any ideas. one of his hands comes down and grips your ass and he moans into your mouth. you push at his hand, trying to display your annoyance without taking your mouth from his. he doesn’t stop, so you pull yourself from his lap and sigh. 

“joshua we’ve talked about this. i thought you knew where i stood.” 

“baby, there’s nothing in the bible about a little premarital ass touching. you have a nice ass, i’m just trying to appreciate that.”

you squint at him, mouth now pulled into a frown. he’s smiling at you, that smile he uses when he wants to kiss you, and you say nothing. 

“baby, please. if you really want to stop, that’s fine. all i’m saying is i’ve never read any passages or letters saying that i can’t make you feel good just because the two of us aren’t married. if you think about it, we shouldn’t even have shared a bed yet, and you seem quite fine with that. you always whine about how you can’t sleep when i’m not around.” he raises his eyebrows at you and you huff.

“maybe you grabbing my ass doesn’t make me feel good, joshua.” you cross your arms and stand up from the couch, moving into the kitchen. 

he laughs and follows you into the kitchen, hugging your waist from behind as you stand at the counter, rinsing your glass. he kisses your neck again, and you can feel him grinding against your ass. “i’m not trying to have sex with you, baby. i just want to make you cum. totally different.”

you roll your eyes again and turn to face him. “would you like to explain how they’re different, joshua? why are you pushing this?”

“baby, i don’t need my cock to make you cum. i don’t see any issues with me wanting to make my beautiful girlfriend feel good. have you never cum before?”

“it’s a sin, joshua. it’s a carnal craving and i have no desire to take part in that until after i’m married.” 

“that doesn’t answer my question.” he smirks and you push past him. 

you groan, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “no, joshua! no, i’ve never cum before. it doesn’t matter.”

“never touched yourself?”

“what is wrong with you, no, i’ve never touched myself!” 

being raised in the church the way you were had hard-driven the idea that any sexual thought, sexual desire, or sexual urges were sins that could immediately damn your soul down to hell. outside of a marriage, that is. and even now, as an adult, you held firm to those beliefs. 

“well, then, if you don’t mind, i’ll be in the bathroom. making myself cum.” he smirks at you and leaves you standing in the living room, face flushed in both irritation and embarrassment. 

you sit yourself down on the couch, turning the tv up to drown out the sound of joshua’s moans from the bathroom and your own thoughts swimming through your head. 

* * *

it doesn’t come up again until about a month later. the situation had gone unspoken about the next morning when joshua had woken you up as he left for work.

but you’ve just returned to your apartment from an engagement party where your friends had needled the two of you about your own relationship, where your girlfriends had needled you for details on your nonexistent sex life. 

“if you’re going to stay with him, you could at least let him go down on you or something.” one of them says, shrugging as she downs champagne. “don’t be such a prude.”

“if adhering to my beliefs makes me a prude, then i’m a prude. sure.” you shrug. you’re used to this. 

“you’re not going to get struck down if you get off, you know. otherwise the world wouldn’t be suffering from overpopulation the way it is.” another points out, smoothing the skirt of her dress. 

you shrug again. “it’s not that i think i’m going to be struck down.”

“you can feel good without having sex. joshua seems like he’d be good at the stuff that isn’t real sex.” your friend raises her eyebrows at you, glancing over at joshua who’s talking among the other men. 

“i mean...” you trail off. it’s something to think about, sure. 

when you bring it up on the way home, joshua nearly veers off of the road in his surprise. 

“are you sure about that?”

“yeah. i want you to make me cum. but no...no real sex.” 

“i’ve heard that they say anal isn’t real sex.”

you fix him with a glare. “joshua.”

he waves a hand. “got it. got it. we can start with oral.”

which is how you find yourself on your back on your bed, dress thrown somewhere onto the floor and your panties pulled roughly to the side as joshua’s tongue licks up your slit. 

“j-joshua? joshua i think....i think i’m cumming? i don’t....i don’t know what i’m supposed to - oh, oh my, joshua, joshua please, i - i’m -” there’s a heat building in your gut that you’ve never felt before, and you find your hips grinding down against his mouth as it works over you, and then something blooms under your skin and you scream joshua’s name, thighs clenching around his head, hands clutching too-tight in his hair. 

he pulls your thighs from around his head and comes up for air, chuckling darkly. “would you like another, baby?”

you nod frantically.

joshua makes you cum again, and when he climbs up your body to kiss you with his lips covered in your slick, you wonder how something considered a sin can feel so good. 

he whispers something against your lips, but you’re too fucked out to hear him. you nod regardless, and press yourself against his chest. 

it isn’t long before joshua starts asking to mix things up. every time you present resistance, joshua will kiss you and whisper something unintelligible against your lips, and you melt at his advances.

“let me tie your hands while i finger you, baby.”

“you wanna try sucking my cock, baby?”

“why don’t you try sitting on my face?”

and, most recently:

“can i fuck your face, baby?”

you turn to him, eyes wide. “excuse me?”

“where did i lose you? i want to try fucking your face?” joshua has his eyebrows raised, mouth pulled in a smirk. “come on, baby, it’ll feel good.”

“yeah, for you maybe.” you roll your eyes. “if we’re going to do something it should be something that makes us both feel good.”

joshua laughs. “oh, what your god would say if he knew you were thinking like that, baby.” he mumbles.

you turn to him, eyes wide and concerned. “what did you just say?”

“it was just a joke, baby. don’t worry about it.” 

but you are worried about it. “why would you say something like that to me, joshua?”

joshua sighs and stands up from the table to join you on the couch. he runs his fingers through your hair and presses a kiss to your neck, whispering in your ear, “just forget what i said.” 

and you do.

a cloud fogs over your mind, and you close your eyes. when they open, your head is laying on joshua’s shoulder and house hunters is playing on the tv, a pizza laying open on the coffee table. 

“you dozed off, baby. are you tired?”

you don’t remember falling asleep, and you shrug. “i must have been.”

* * *

“do you want to meet my parents?”

you’re at breakfast with joshua and he looks up at you from his coffee, nearly choking. “why would i want to meet your parents?”

“uh, because we’ve been dating for a long time now, i think it’s time. it’s what people do, joshua. if we’re going to get married -”

“married?” joshua’s eyes are wide. “we’ve been dating less than a year, i don’t think we should be talking about marriage.”

“okay, well, if that’s how you feel. i still want you to meet my parents, joshua.” you give him a side-eye, mouth pulled into an unhappy pout. 

“i just don’t see why it has to be now.” joshua shrugs and goes back to his coffee. you roll your eyes.

“it doesn’t have to be now.” you mock him, taking a bite of your eggs. “i’m not planning on surprising you with it, joshua. i just thought we should talk about it.”

he shrugs again. “i just don’t think it’s necessary. in fact,” he looks up and locks eyes with you, and you notice something flash in his gaze. “i think you should just forget about that idea altogether.” 

your mind clouds over, going blank for a moment, and he watches you go still for a few seconds before blinking and smiling at him. 

“is your french toast any good?” you ask, smile bright. “can i have a bite?”

joshua smiles back. “of course you can, baby.”

* * *

“Peace be with you.” says the priest, his hands held out towards the congregation.

“And also with you.” the congregation choruses back, before turning amongst each other to shake hands and whisper the sentiment over, and over, until the service reconvenes for communion and shortly after, the service comes to an end. 

on your way out, the priest grabs your hand. 

“it’s been some time since we’ve seen you in here, my child. has all been well? have you been ill?”

the genuine concern in his voice makes you feel guilty. knowing you’ve missed services for at least two months, instead laying at home with joshua while he made you come undone, and the priest thinks you must have been ill.

“no, no father, i’ve just been - i’ve just been terribly busy. work has been putting me under a lot of pressure.” your heart races. you’ve never lied to this man in your life. you’ve never had any reason to. not until joshua.

“well, i’m sorry to hear that, but hopefully only good things will come of that pressure. i’m certain that God has nothing but good things in store for you. but if you’re feeling stressed, perhaps you should consider coming to confession. it’s been sometime, hasn’t it?” you nod, and the priest continues. “it will feel good to get things off your chest, child. God sees all, but the first step to repentance is admitting that you’ve sinned.”

you nod, unsure of what to say. “it - it’s been lovely chatting, father, but i really have to go. i’m meeting my boyfriend for brunch.” you jingle your keys in your hand and jerk your head towards the parking lot. 

the priest narrows his eyes. “meet him? was he not here for the service?”

“no, he’s not - he isn’t catholic, father.” you mumble, feeling like a child. 

“methodist then? presbyterian? baptist, perhaps?” 

“no, father.” 

the priest sighs. “i’m not going to berate you, so please stop looking like a scolded child. plenty of people this day and age date outside of their own faith. what matters is your faith. have you felt tested lately?”

more than you can imagine. “i really have to go father. i’ll see you next week.” you smile at him and wave as you trot off to your car, trying to ignore the chills making their way down your spine.

you meet joshua outside the cafe and he looks concerned as he follows you and the waiter towards a table. “is everything alright? you seem upset.”

“i just feel...guilty.” you mumble, hiding your face behind your menu. joshua pulls it down so he can see you, concern clear in his eyes. 

“guilty about what?” he asks, reaching for your hand.

“all the....things...we’ve been doing. I just - i think we should stop. i don’t want to keep...living like this.” you can feel tears welling in your eyes. everything seems to be hitting you at once. all of the things you’ve done over the past few months, the salacious ways you’d allowed joshua to touch you, the filthy ways you’d touched and thought about him. it was all too much. 

“i don’t understand.” joshua says, his tone flat. 

you look up at him, tears slowly beginning to fall down your face. “there’s nothing to understand, i don’t want to have any - any more um -” you take in a shaking breath before you whisper, “any more sexual relations.” 

“did something happen? did someone say something at church?” he asks, eyes holding some type of emotion that worries you because you don’t know what it is, what it means. 

“i - i spoke to the priest, but it’s not like...it’s not like i told him what we were doing....just something about him made me feel...guilty.” you shrug and sniff, a hand coming up to rub at your nose. 

joshua scoffs. “priests. always imagining themselves to be better than others because they consider themselves ‘men of god’.  _ please _ .” you watch him roll his eyes and something clenches in your chest. 

“what do you have against priests?” you ask, confusion at his words blindsiding your confusion at your own feelings. 

“i’m not a fan of religion in general. let alone the hordes of men who consider themselves morally superior because they think they understand what god wants. please. lucifer himself didn’t understand what god wants, and look at how he was treated for it.”

something in his tone makes your skin crawl. “what are you saying?”

he sighs. “i’m not saying anything. don’t worry about it.” he eyes you for a moment and you nod. 

“you’re right. i’m sorry. i don’t know what i was so upset about.” 

he hums and says nothing until the waiter comes and the both of you order. 

you’re both quiet, and then he sighs. “you’re upset.” 

you sniff. “i just....i want you to be okay with me wanting to stop. it’s too much for me.” 

joshua sighs and folds his hands on the table. “i think i should go.”

you freeze, body tense. “wh-what?”

“i think we’re done here. i’m leaving.” joshua fixes you with a cold look and something red flashes in his eyes. you scream. 

“no. no. what - what did you do to me?” you stand so quickly the table shakes and your drinks fall, and joshua flicks out a hand and everything around you stops, and you scream again. “ _ what did you do to me _ ?”

joshua shrugs. “a little manipulation here, some memory editing there, nothing too serious.”

“you - you changed my mind. whenever i didn’t want to do something, you would change my mind, you know what that means, don’t you? do you even care?” there are tears streaming full force down your face now. 

“actually, i never changed your mind about any of that. you think i did, because i would whisper sweet words to you, and you’d change your own mind, because once i made you cum that first time you couldn’t get enough, isn’t that right?” joshua stalks toward you with a smirk on his face, eyes gleaming and red. “you gave in so easily, baby.” 

“i - i - i didn’t -” you can’t seem to get any words out, because deep down you know that he’s right. every memory of your more sinful time spent together is crystal clear, nothing foggy and deteriorated due to his demonic manipulations. 

“oh, but you did.” his smirk turns to a smile, filled with malice. “that was all you, baby. it’s almost like you were just waiting for lil ole me to come along and help you take that step.”

“wh-what step?” you shuffle on your feet. “i didn’t want anything.”

joshua reaches out and runs a finger along your jaw, tipping up your chin. “i don’t think that’s quite the case, baby. innocent little church girl, i think it’s fitting that someone like me helped you along.”

you jerk away from his touch, shaking. “shut up.”

he sighs and rolls his eyes. “fine, fine, like i said, i think i should be going. it’s been nice seeing you, baby.”

he snaps his fingers and time resumes, the glasses shattering to the floor. he groans and cries out, “that’s it! we’re through. don’t call me.”

he walks out the door, and you stand there, tears streaming down your face, chest heaving.

* * *

you walk into the church, checking your phone quickly to make sure you have the time right. you find your way into the confessional, where the priest is waiting for you on the other side of the screen.

you take a breath, and fiddle with your hands as you speak. 

“forgive me father, it’s been three months since my last confession.”

**Author's Note:**

> happy halloween i've actually had this finished for a long time but i really wanted to finish the first 7 sins before uploading the second piece of another BUT idc anymore hmu on [twitter uwu](https://twitter.com/carebearcoupsie)


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